Every year, someone likely insists you audit your annual goals. Etymologists claim the word audit comes from the Latin audītus “the sense or act of hearing.”
But Dr. Daniel Jackson left breadcrumbs that tell us the word actually stems from the Lantean auditorium. To the Ancients, this wasn’t a theater; it was a head-grabbing Repository of Knowledge. To auditwas to link with the interface for a total system download — a million years of data streamed (screamed?) directly into your subconscious (SG:SG-1, S2: E16, “The Fifth Race”). If your brain didn’t liquefy, you passed the audit.
On Earth, as a “young race,” most of us can’t pass an audit at this level, so it has come to meana formal record review to confirm “officialcoherence” and “success” or “failure” at remaining true to our objectives. Usually (if our list still exists), a lot of the latter surfaces…
Some items get “re-scoped” into the far future. Some you reclassify as “ongoing.” Others, you note, have crossed the event horizon of the Black Hole of Never.
This is not failure. Audits are the lifeblood of advanced civilizations— who understand that complexity guarantees a [possibly catastrophic] deviation from expected results. In fact, if we take a more progressive mindset, we can learn a few useful audit strategies from the Lanteans and other future generations (without going as far as creating a “head-grabber”).
The Starfleet Approach: Optimize Efficiency
In Star Trek: The Original Series (S2: E24), “The Ultimate Computer,” we have the M-5 multitronic unit. It’s designed to optimize Starfleet command decisions. Which it does. A ‘threatening’ mining ship, a starship, and their [unnecessary] crews are destroyed.
Crucially, this regrettable spree of space-murder is not a malfunction.
The M-5 is operating extremely efficiently — within ‘approved parameters.’
It passes the audit.
Audits do not ask for perfect outcomes; they ask if you followed the code. 👩💻 If your objective was to ‘reduce non-constructive discourse between team members in Slack’ and you accidentally blocked everyone’s access to Slack, you are, technically, at 100% efficiency.
TheBattlestar Galactica (2004) Method: Paperwork as Armor
The fleet develops increasingly rigorous audits — behavioral evaluations, blood tests — to identify Cylons. These comprehensive exams take a mere 11 hours per person.
Yet, they fail to identify Cylons. Not because the science is bad, but because Dr. Gaius Baltar prioritizes his own time and survival and uses “creative” data entry to reassure the fleet of its [impossible] safety.
Audits do not ask if your plan was feasible or if your underlings had the moral fortitude to implement it. They don’t care if your Chief Science Officer is a shallow, traitorous coward who hallucinates a blonde in a red dress. As long as the spreadsheets say so, the fleet is ‘objectively’ safe and Cylon-free. 💃
The Lantean Legacy: Highly Advanced Cognitive Reframing
The Ancient Lanteans (“Ancients”) of Stargate are the gold standard of “advanced civilizations.” Their records and audits were immaculate, yet their ‘approved’ experiments frequently ended in something less than success (and were quietly locked in a remote lab somewhere).
When Dr. Rodney McKay audits the Lanteans’ work on Project Arcturus (SG: Atlantis, S2:E6, “Trinity”) he aims to fix their errors and produce limitless energy — but instead, triggers a massive chain reaction that vaporizes the entire Doranda solar system.
McKay’s reframes this with Lantean-like skill: “I’m just saying, it’s not like it was inhabited!”
The data was clear. The logs were perfect. A piece of the galaxy is now just…on fire.🔥
Audits do not ask if an objective was wise.
…Which brings us back to your annual goal review.
When you audit your list and note that some initiatives had unexpected M-5-like outcomes, some were as imaginative as a Cylon-detection report, and some should be quietly abandoned in deep space like Project Arcturus, you have done exactly what stable, highly advanced civilizations do.
You have verified that your system is operating within the specified framework (a list of expected outcomes). You have acknowledged drift without introducing unnecessary judginess or panic.
Now you can confidently write some shiny new goals for this year. Which, let’s face it, may well end in a Kobayashi Maru situation.
In The Frozen, biotech systems use nanocytes to run — which are built with an autophagy-based self-destruct code that causes them to break down into harmless component parts if they don’t pass their own internal self-checks.
While that sounds like far-future tech, as of January 2026, we are already seeing first steps toward it:
‘Caffebodies’— from Texas A&M Health, a chemogenetic, nanobody protein + CRISPR “switch” is being developed that remains dormant until triggered by a specific molecule (in this case, caffeine), after which it performs its pre-programmed CRISPR edits; for example, edits that might boost insulin production or direct the body’s immune system to attack a disease.
The “aiPGI” Platform—from Basecamp Research and NVIDIA are working on an AI that can design enzymes to insert large blocks of “code” into human DNA without damaging it like CRISPR, which offers a preferred route to replacing faulty genes and reprogramming cells for therapeutic uses (to cure genetic diseases).
I spent the bulk of January dealing with family illness and new schedules, then diving deep in preparation for an author talk on the 15th, followed by a girls’-weekend away with my sister. With about a week’s prep work, the fun and realism factors in my interactive author talk ascended to a new plane of awesomeness. I was SO pumped! And the weekend away with my sister was the icing on the proverbial cake, which would have been hers, because it was for her birthday.
…Until I got violently ill on the morning I was to get on the road. I ended up in the ER and then recovering at home for the next several days, and now I’m playing catch-up (hence the lateness of this email).
I’m betting many of you had similar experiences, given the number of ‘super’ bugs in the air lately. Too bad my stress bracelet didn’t function as a bug zapper. I could have saved us all!
Other than that, January’s been great! I am super happy I was also able to squeeze in some heavy work on The Erebi.
FROM: D. LINEWALKER, TROUBLE LEADER (& REBEL ALLY, SHAWN SOLO)
SUBJECT: HIGH-VALUE SUPPLIES PROCURED & SECURED.
MISSION OVERVIEW: Trouble Leader first acknowledges the value of the intel provided by Princess Chicken Organic, for which she nearly sacrificed her life at the hands of the Supreme Human Overlords, that the high-value target was not being kept at the SHO Kitchen Island Command Center — but was rumored to be at a highly guarded clandestine location outside a remote Rebel Outpost (a.k.a. in orbit above Princess Chicken Organic’s Home Base).
Further reconnaissance in the Sofa System confirmed the location of the target. Initial attempts to breach SHO defenses (e.g., “The Puppy-Dog Eye Maneuver,” “The Whine of a Thousand Suns,” and “Forcible Snuggling”) were met with overwhelming deflections. Tactical deployment of a more aggressive, coordinated strategy was authorized by Trouble Leader D. Linewalker.
OPERATION: DESSERT STRIKE
PHASE 1: Distraction Maneuver Shawn Solo initiated a “Millennium Zoom maneuver” — a high-speed fly-by of the SHO location. This involved a counter-clockwise orbit of the Living Room Galaxy, culminating in a sudden richochet into the nearby Christmas Tree System, successfully drawing SHO attention and forces away from the primary target.
PHASE 2: D. Linewalker’s Tactical Recon Utilizing the diversion, D. Linewalker commenced a stealth “backdoor” approach via the Loveseat System, and located and identified the target as a large cache of individual dessert food pods sealed inside a protective transparent barrier. Progress was momentarily threatened by the sudden appearance of an Imperial Dust Destroyer in the nearby Hall belt, forcing evasive maneuvers back into the nearby Floor territory.
PHASE 3: Shawn Solo’s High-Risk Mission Recovery To ensure the continuing engagement of the SHO’s full fleet away from the Loveseat System, Shawn Solo released an unsanctioned, ill-advised, but highly effective toxic biological spill in the Hall belt. SHO-1 and 2 immediately engaged. This provided the critical window of opportunity.
PHASE 4: Acquisition With the path clear and SHO-1 attention diverted, D. Linewalker executed the final approach from the Loveseat System, entered orbit atop Princess Chicken Organic’s Home Base, engaged teeth clamps on the protective barrier, engaged rear thrusters, achieved maximum velocity, and escaped unnoticed through the Sofa System to the safety of the Top-Secret Rebel Supply Base (a.k.a. D. Linewalker’s Home Base). Operation: Dessert Strike complete.
MISSION STATUS: MEASURED SUCCESS Trouble Leader was able to breach the protective barrier and ensure the ultimate safety of the assets by completing a successful “Post-Mission Accelerated Consumption Protocol” (complete with original dessert pod security sheaths). One pod was saved in a secure blanket location for Princess Chicken Organic’s inspection.
Unfortunately, Shawn Solo has been captured and frozen as a gargoyle, and is now showcased in the Loveseat System for the SHO to freely mock.
RECOMMENDATION: Increase frequency of Supply Run operations. Insert well-trained agent (Trouble Leader volunteers his services) into Loveseat System to infiltrate Laps 1 & 2 and extricate Shawn Solo.
NOTE: TIME JUMPER HAS BEEN PAUSED FOR A FEW MONTHS BECAUSE IT’S BEEN DISTRACTING ME FROM WORKING ON THE EREBI. BUT IT WILL RETURN! You can catch up on previous chapters by going to the website (click the button below).
NOTE: Because the newsletter has been less-than-successful at remaining “shortish,” this section will likely be clipped short by your email client. Click here to go straight to *this* spot in the email on the web version for uninterrupted deal browsing!
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How often do you see a Christian fiction promo that doesn’t include any romance, literary, or historical romance books? This one’s full of sci-fi, fantasy, action, and adventure! But it’s only on until 1/31/26, so check it out today!
Thanks for reading this episode of The Blessed Bulletin! Let’s connect on socials if we haven’t already (or if you prefer that to emails). See you next month!
